Massive, Determined Action

If I’m honest, my life hasn’t unfolded like I expected it to.

I thought by now I would have been married with my own children, living in a house settled somewhere. BUT GOD. He protected me from myself. He knew there was nothing wrong with my vision to hope for those things but that there was more for me to learn and grow and experience first. So as a thirty-one-year-old single lady (que Beyonce), I now can look back and connect the dots of the “should haves”, “almost maybes”, and all my decisions and steps (and mis-steps) to see that He has directed my path right to this moment. This moment of surrender and acceptance that if nothing else comes from my life than an intimate relationship with Him, then that alone IS ENOUGH.

Since my plan A didn’t work out, I found myself comfortable in a corporate career working on climbing to success. This year I have decided to step off the figurative ladder and try airport seats and dirt floors for a little bit. I know this is CrAzY and many do not understand my decision, but the insanity cycle has been defined as doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. So instead of trying harder or going through the motions, I am letting go of my current life and trajectory and going to try something completely different for a change… I am BREAKING the cycle!

Recently at a good friend’s father’s funeral (say that 3 times fast), the pastor reminded us that everything has a season. He explained that we all will take time to die, it is inevitable, but then he challenged us to make time to live! I am very thankful for all my seasons of life up to this point. Each has had a purpose with great lessons and has allowed me to grow personally and professionally. I am excited about this next season. I am choosing to go, to live, and laugh, and love, to dance and embrace change!

In a Breakthrough Challenge this past January, I was taught that the path to success is to take massive, determined action. This decision is just that, especially since I have never been on a mission trip before. I am jumping into the deep end, feet first (but is there really any other way to get in a pool?). I also learned that what changes people is when their “shoulds” become “musts”. And in this season of life, I know this is a MUST for me! When my soul started stirring, all the doors and windows opened for this opportunity and all my questions then turned to just one: WHY NOT?! Life is short, messy, and beautiful. I have very much fallen in love with my comfort zone, but outside of that is where life happens.

This life has taught me that I can do hard things, so here I am empowered by God to do this unbelievably hard thing and to see this world with God’s lens. I am looking forward to seeing His beauty in every new place, His spirit in each new person I meet and the overwhelming goodness that He is the Maker and Defender of it all. 

I have no idea what my life will look like daily or what I will see, do and learn on this trip, but that is what I am most excited for! I am holding my hands wide open with a willing and open heart and mind which is quite a change from the usual clenched fists I have been accustomed to living my life with.

This journey will allow me to fully depend on God and not just myself or this world. I am hoping to find actual trust in God. Relying solely (or soul-ly, if you will) on Him instead of just having check-box Christian faith. I want to walk the walk (literally, with a backpack) and discover a fresh perspective of a God that is good, mighty, and trustworthy with my life.

I am excited to discover who I am when everything is stripped away that I have hid behind for so many years. I want to discover what part of the body of Christ I am. Foot? Ear? Heck, I’ll take the elbow! I will report back when I figure out what ignites me, what fuels my soul and what infuriates me, for that is who I truly am.

What I do know is that my favorite thing in the world is to talk to people about what lights them up! And I am looking so forward to finding the light in people around the world! I can’t wait to learn new topics and new cultures and to see how the light within is universal!

I know now that the true treasures of life are people. Through the process of beginning this journey, I have had many conversations with people that have confirmed my peace in taking this next step. I have been blessed with such kind words from people in my family and at work who are supporting me even though they will miss me. And although I will be seeing new cultures and beautiful people that I will never forget, I will have to balance the sadness of leaving MY people behind this year.

But am I really leaving you behind? No! You will all be right here, as I try to write out in cohesive words my experiences, epiphanies, and God winks on this blog. You all are the reason I can go and do this. I am thankful that you have each played a pivotal role in my life, each supporting me and teaching me lessons and making memories that have shaped me into a girl ready to fly, not on my own, but with the strength of a community behind me!